Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Where I Usually End Up.

I am so far behind on school work.

Spring Break, even though I hardly had Agent M, was not much help, much less than I had planned for it to be. I was sick for a couple days, but plowed through and cleaned house like a woman possessed. I unpacked boxes by the dozen, hung paper lanterns in my bedroom, wrapped cloth cherry blossoms around the iron scrolls of my headboard, vacuumed the entire house twice, sorted and moved bin after bin of just stuff, and dusted everything. I was so sick from allergies that I actually took medicine and spent part of Tuesday in a fog. Homework was completely forgotten at that point.

Wednesday, I got to meet family that was in town from Sweden. Amazing people, and so full of love that just being around them made me happy. Between Wednesday and Thursday, I stayed at my parent's house for hours longer than I had planned. I tried to work on an article I was writing at one point, but got distracted and could not focus enough to string a full sentence together. It hurt to see them leave, and I unexpectedly had to fight off tears as I hugged each of them good-bye. To be honest, I am still sad from it, in the way that you feel sad when you go to a party that you don't want to attend, only to have a great time right at the end and feel as if you haven't had enough time to enjoy yourself.

Friday, I finished the article and sent it in. I looked over my homework, but being sick still had me wiped. Plus, Agent M was home and keeping me busy. The weekend was the same. Monday came, I was still sick and my shoulder hurt too much to go to class - so I told myself I would catch up then. Instead, I slept in and ran an errand. Tuesday, I felt better but had more errands come up, and found myself working on homework at 1:47am, crouched near my laptop, with a notepad in my lap as I struggled to practice my Swedish, write answers to questions on a homework sheet, and stay awake.

So, now it is Wednesday. I am tired. I had a great night at my parent's house, celebrating "Easter Wednesday" and then left Agent M there for a sleep over. Plenty of time to work on a paper or two. I briefly worked on the mountain of art supplies that has been taking over my living room, and sat down to type this up - but I can barely keep my eyes open. If I wasn't chatting with a friend, I would already be in bed.

I need to get over this sense of blah. I know my mind is else where, I know it is partially because my grades, which were all A's three weeks ago, are beginning to slip. I am disappointed in a lot of things right now and feel uncertain about what will be happening in the next few weeks. My last day of physical therapy is tomorrow, and Friday I find out if I am going back to work or waiting six more weeks. I'm stressed and tired. I want all the puzzle pieces to come together, but just feel so unmotivated to put them in order. I hope this feeling passes soon.

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