Wednesday, April 13, 2011

100 Day Photo Challenge - Day 2

Day 2 - A picture of myself with someone I have been close with the longest.

Thanksgiving 2010 - both of us in our natural "texting" state.

This was actually a difficult photo for me to find - I just don't have that many photos of us together. I've known J for longer than I haven't - since the first day of Fifth Grade - and she is like a sister to me in many ways. But we are not close like you would expect from a friend like that. We rarely talk on the phone, have not gone out together to do anything in longer than I can remember, and we drive each other crazy half the time.

But I adore her and would do anything for her in a heart beat. She's Agent M's Godmother and I was a bridesmaid at her wedding. (She wasn't a bridesmaid for mine, but we were not close at that time for a variety of reasons and I mistakingly used that as my excuse to not ask her to be one. If I ever get married again, I'd be honored to have her right there with me.) We've know each other through being the new kids at school, siblings being born, Honors classes, failed classes, boyfriends, coming out, coming of age, a whole slew of firsts, heartbreaks, first serious loves, college, dropping out of college, marriages, births, and divorces. Even though our schedules are hard to coordinate, and we are not as close as we once were (daily phone calls that lasted for hours), I always feel her presence in the the peripheral of my day. 

Often, I feel like she's been there for me more than I have been there for her, and it bothers me to no end. I just don't know how to be there for her though. She is amazingly strong, and juggled raising her three sisters with being a student for most of our teen years, and even takes on that role often to this day. She has been through numerous surgeries, some more serious than others, and is the first person I think of when Agent M is sick and I don't know if I should call his doctor or not. She's damn smart and has a memory that doesn't stop. Watching her work a room or chat up strangers is like watching art being created - I have always admired her ability to make friends and be comfortable in situations that make me want to hide. She's a beautiful person, inside and out, and doesn't put as much value on herself as she should. In a lot of ways, not just because of how long we've known each other, she has been a sister to me also. I couldn't imagine a life with out her. 

I hope she knows how much she means to me. How much it meant to me to have a friend, that first day of school, in a new town where I didn't know anyone. How much I needed that strength from her during my labor, as we played the "Alphabet Game" as the nurses searched for a vein to put my IV in. How much I look at her path in life and think, "Maybe I'm strong enough to go down that way, too". How much I want things to work out for her, for her to have everything she wishes for because of all the people I know, she deserves it the most. I hope that I mean as much to her as she will always mean to me.

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