Sunday, October 16, 2011

He Said It Would Be Funny

So, he's been mentioned a bit. The Swede. Not explaining much on this one, other than he is a wonderful friend that I met about six months ago when he was visiting from Sweden with family.

While we were chatting online today, I asked him if I could write about him, or if it would be okay if he came up in my writings. He said sure, and that it would be funny. He was already mentioned in a paper I wrote right after we first met, and he knows of my blogging, but I never flat out got his okay to mention him. (Little did he know  he already had a nickname...but that's small potatoes at this point.)

So there's that, combined with me sending off an email to The Ex today letting him know what is up, and I can now blog about the surprise mentioned in this post (third bullet point from the bottom).

The Swede is coming for a visit. :)

He will get here the day after we get home from Vegas, late at night. That will give me about 24 hours to air out the house, unpack, do last minute cleaning, and get enough sleep, showering, and girl-time to look decent when I pick him up at 10pm. Plus, the usual stuff of getting Agent M to and from school, and then having dinner with my parents for Dad's birthday, and then leaving Agent M there for a sleepover while I go to pick up The Swede.

Agent M is excited also, thankfully. His main concerns were if The Swede would be going to his soccer game and making sure that no one was going to take his bed.

I'm excited. I'm nervous, but in an excited way. We have outfits that go together for Halloween, and lots of little plans, and as much as I want to yell with excitement from the roof - his quietness is rubbing off on me and I'm keeping this a little closer and quieter.

So for the next week, I'll be wearing a little Mona Lisa smile and quickly finishing up work around the house. Then a fun weekend in Vegas with family, then home and waiting for The Swede to arrive.

And when he gets here, I will have the biggest grin, this side of the world.

(I have a much less refined and less mellow post on this, below)


So, I mentioned that The Swede is going to be here a week from tomorrow?

Eight days, people!

I have a car load of laundry to do between now and then - pillows, blankets, sheets, clothes - plus the mess that is my desk area to cram into the file cabinet neatly file away and sort. Plus dusting and cleaning every single inch of my "never really noticed just how big this place really is" townhouse.

Now, not all of the cleaning is because of the visit. In all honesty, I had gotten far behind on cleaning in the past few weeks with the whole immune-system going on a bender and trying to recoup. The sad part of that cycle though, is that part of the crash is due to my allergies getting bad. I am allergic to dust and cat dander. So - that means that I need to clean often or else I get really run down, sick, and then my immune system freaks out and attacks itself. Which leaves me worn out and slacking out on cleaning. Which leads to more dust and cat dander around the house. Which leads to me getting sicker. Which leads to me typing up long, run on paragraphs explaining the nasty cycle instead of me getting my bum off the bed and actually cleaning.


But yes, to reiterate - in about one week's time, Agent M and I will be on our way home from Las Vegas, and I will be praying that Suki has not stunk up the place while we were gone. In a little more than a week's time, I will be airing out the house, doing last minute errands, and trying to take a nap before picking Agent M up from school, spending the afternoon with him, coming home to shower and relax, and then zooming down the highway to pick up The Swede from the airport.

Oh, and the schedule for Spring 2012 classes is released that day, so somewhere in unpacking/airing out the house/trying to not explode from excitement and nerves, I will also need to sit down and plan out what I classes I will attempt to get into. Which reminds me that I need to fill out the FASFA this week.....

Eight days, people.

Five days left before Vegas.

Five days to clean away the dust bunnies, get enough sleep to make the dark circles under my eyes disappear, do all the laundry, run 15 errands, pack, and get my immune system back to working properly. Plus, I need to stay on top of writing (I'm on a bit of a roll, want to keep it that way), do the usual soccer/work/Mancub custody shuffle, and find a way to get my old car towed to a friend's scrap yard.

I'm going to need a whole lot of gummy bears.

Thank goodness I have this little guy to help me stay silly and grounded.

Typical Sunday

My "Missions to Accomplish List" for the day:

  • Go buy more gummy bears. I need my gummy bears if I plan to get anything done today!
  • Email my doctor. Since I was supposed to email her Friday. Oops.
  • Email The Ex. Since I should have emailed him Thursday. Oops.
  • Go to the library and drop off the books I have been hoarding forgetting to return for over a month. Oops.
  • Take all the blankets, pillows, and dirty laundry to the laundry mat. 
  • Apply for a small personal loan, to be paid out in all quarters, to pay for the laundry washing and drying that needs to take place today.
  • Eat gummy bears. Drink tea. 
  • Go to the local music/dvd stores and try to sell half my cd collection and the last of my dvds. 
  • Pray to the Good Fortune Gods that I get enough money from selling things to cover my car payment and enough of the SMUD bill to keep from getting turned off.
  • Figure out how in the world to afford mailing the two packages I need to send out to friends.
  • Finish one of the 18 posts I have started for the "work" blog and actually post something for the first time in almost two months.
  • Clean the dirt off of all 8 pumpkins Agent M and I brought home yesterday. Find a place to put them that is not my kitchen counter.
  • Finish hanging Halloween decorations and put the ones I'm not using back into the storage closet on the patio.
  • Move the plants on the patio from the ground into the hanging planter.
  • Pray to the Gardening Gods that the transplanted plants make it through the winter.
  • Eat more gummy bears. Drink more tea.
  • Finish putting away EVERYTHING that is messy in my room and the living room. This includes tackling the desk area and my "photo frames to be hung" area. I am due to start the actual "cleaning" part of cleaning my house tomorrow, and to do that, things need to be picked up and put away. 
  • Abandon the gummy bears and tea and go to my parents house in search of pizza and a beer. 
  • Go back home, fold laundry, wrap up all the "loose ends" around the house, collapse in bed and fall asleep while watching "How I Met Your Mother" and wondering if I will ever fall in love again. 

Wednesday, October 12, 2011


While walking to my car after school:
Agent M: "Okay, so try to kill me."
Agent A (a school friend): "What?! No!"
Agent M: "No, it's okay, just kill me."
Agent A: "But, I don't want to!"
Agent M: "But, I am a bad guy! Just kill me!"
Agent A: "But you are my best friend, I don't want to kill you, even if you are a bad guy."
Agent M: "Okay, well, then we should take over the world."
Agent A: "Okay, as long as I don't have to kill you."

While snuggling in Agent M's bed at the end of his first day back:
Me: As our cat drapes herself over us both and begins to purr loudly: "Aww, we're a happy little family."
Agent M: whispers: "But we are a divorced family."
Me: "Right, but we are still happy. You can be happy, even when everything has changed.....Do you ever wish that Daddy and I still lived together?"
Agent M: "No!"
Me: "Okay...yeah, we are both a little happier now, it just wasn't working for us to live together anymore..." (Not a great response, but it was late, that's all I could think of on the fly!)
Agent M: "And now, I have two homes and I can play video games in both places!"
Me: "...(o__O)..."
Agent M: "And I get to see Nana and Baba a lot!"
Me: "...(-___-)..."

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

The Line.

There's always a fine line. Between trusting and just saying you are trusting. Between opening up and between holding back. Between not caring what others think and secretly hoping you still have a few friends left at the end of the day.

Making the choice to leave the house, two cars, and husband was a defining moment for that fine line. It made that line present in every action, inaction, and reaction. Some days, I dance near the line, toeing it and seeing if it gives when I push it. I have spent plenty of time imagining it is not there, pretending it is simply a crack in the sidewalk or some little smudge that I haven't been able to clean out of the carpet. Other days, it strangles me. I wake up with it around my neck, feel it choking me as I try to swallow my breakfast. Or it wraps it self around my face, covering my mouth so tightly that I can barely breathe. But, I have sharp teeth and scissors. And I know people who can undo coils and knots when my mouth is numb and my scissors have dulled.

More and more lately, I am putting on a brave face and telling that line that it must be the one to put the trust in me, let me decide where it sits, where it will sleep. I am learning to jump over the line and instead of fearing the stinging bite of it's surprise, I am forcing it to move for me, to contort to my needs. It is not going to go away anytime soon, but that does not mean that I need to continue to allow it to control me. I will tame the line, and learn to live with it comfortably.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Quick Post!

Run down of things missed or forgotten:

  • After a month of waiting, I finally have a new mobile phone! The touch screen on my other had broken (on the day I bought a car, nonetheless) and I had to wait until my upgrade to get a new one. Thankfully, my parents let me borrow a mobile and the line they don't use often, so I at least had something while waiting. 
  • Oh, yes - I bought a car! Well, rather, I signed the papers to commit to paying for a car for the next few years. My old car has not run in a year, and it was far too much money to get it running with no guarantee that something else would break down. I finally spent a decent amount of time going over the finances, figured out what would be affordable, searched and researched for hours online, and then spent 7 hours at a dealership getting approved for financing. The guy who wrangled with the banks for me was awesome. I love having my own car again and Agent M was highly amused by it when I picked him up with it.
  • As of August, it has been one year since I injured my shoulder, which resulted in weeks of physical therapy, countless MRIs and doctor appointments, surgery, and six months of time off work. I am fortunate that it hurts so much less now and to have most of the mobility back already. December will bring the 1 year post-surgery mark. I can't believe all that has happened in the last year! (A subject for a whole other post)
  • I spoke with my guidance counselor (is that what they're called?) at the community college and we made a plan for the next semester. I will be taking a maths class for the first time in over 10 years. I am more than a little nervous about this. 
  • When I went onto the school website to check something after the counseling appointment, I discovered that one of my professors from last semester had died about a month prior. I was shocked and it took me two days to get over it. He had been key to getting through the last semester and taming a few of demons that I has battling. It took a lot in me to not call two of my other professors from last semester (who each had a huge impact on me) and make them swear never to die. (Again, whole other post on the subject, to come)
  • I am STILL not divorced. Not amused by this. 
  • In 3 weeks, I will be celebrating my Dad's birthday in Vegas, and then coming home to a wonderful to-be-announced-later secret. All I am saying for now is that I am over the moon happy and have been cleaning and working like a mad woman to have things together for the end of this month. 
  • I am 8lbs away from my pre-pregnancy/pre-surgery weight (they were the same), and 15 lbs away from my post-marriage-dissolving/pre-living on my own weight. I have not made any drastic changes in my diet and I am just as lazy as ever, in my opinion, so this is a major accomplishment for me after getting back up to 205lbs after my surgery. 
And to close out things:
  • Agent M is beyond awesome! Blaring the horn on this one! I have gotten a call from his teacher, plus a letter home, tell me how great he is doing in class and that he is an excellent student. His abilities in soccer are growing and getting more and more defined with each practice. I am so proud of him and each day I am so happy to have him in my life. He really inspires me to be the best person that I can be, and amazes me with the person he is becoming.