Friday, February 11, 2011
You spin me right round...
Lately, I've been wondering just how "cut out" I am for being a professional blogger. Or writer, even.
My page is sparse. Words, a few links, and more words. I don't like ads, and still feel too small and ackward to ask bloggers I admire to let me link to them.
I don't have a "regular" blogging schedule. Hell, I can barely keep myself together enough to stay on top of my homework assignments right now.
I look at other "established" blogs, and feel lite a teeny, tiny goldfish compared to their 300+ subscribers, numerous awards, and fancy headers.
More than anything else, I have so much that I want to write about, but it's the timing of putting it all down on paper (or taps on the keyboard, as is usually the case) that trips me. Even as I type this, I keep glancing at the clock in the bottom right corner of my laptop, knowing that I need to leave soon to walk to pick Agent M up from school.
The fact is - the plates I spin are being changed around. What was once "wife", "grocery store clerk", "mom", "daughter", "girl-zilla" has become so much more. I'm "soon-to-be-ex-wife", "single-but-never-solo mom", "not-worker due to injury", "college student", "daughter-who-should-do-more", "girl-who-is-kicking-and-screaming-into-becoming-a-full-on-woman", and so much more. Keeping those plates spinning has been enough work. Finding time to fit in my hoped for career feels like a plate I see sitting nearby but just can't get onto the end of a pole.
But I suppose that's what motherhood, or even life itself, is about. Finding the right balance and timing for everything you love and enjoy, while still keeping an eye on all your other responsibilites and goals. As you get better at it, more plates can be added, the balance and timing becomes easier to settle into. Sometimes plates will start to wobble, but that can be corrected and you feel a rush of accomplishment in that moment of realizing you're getting better and better.