Tuesday, March 20, 2012

It's Already Tuesday

Oh, how the whirlwind has been keeping me dizzy.

Big-scary court date to settle my divorce tomorrow? Canceled and rescheduled for the middle of next month. My attorney has the flu.

I have to say, I am relieved. This gives me more time to gather the papers my ex is requesting (proof of income, mostly. For some reason, he seems to think I am rolling in the dough and hiding it from him.). Also, it will be after The Swede leaves, so I can put the icky divorce-"Why is The Ex still so pissed off at me?!"-feelings on the back burner until he is gone.

Which brings us to that. I am quite excited about him coming...but so nervous too. We have been having a rough go lately, and due to some financial snafus I've had in the last couple of weeks I don't have a penny to spare for the trips and concerts we had hoped to plan. On one hand, this visit will be realistic. This is life, this is the day to day that Agent M and I live, and except for the fact that I will be off work the entire time, this will be a decent example of what it would be like to live in my world. It's not fancy, it's not opulent, but it is full of love and we make the best of it. On the other hand though, we have not been within arms reach of each other for six months, he's flying halfway around the world to come see me, and I'm terrified that he will end up bored and regretting the trip now that we might not make it to Tahoe, the coast, and a handful of live shows. I'm just hoping I can beg, borrow, and scrape up enough money to still take him out for his birthday, at the absolute least. (What is sad is that I just looked over my past blog posts for something, and saw that I said nearly the same thing a few weeks ago. Ugh.)

I think the biggest problem is that I feel like I have to show off and be my best when the Swede is here. I see him  in such a condensed amount of time, I want to make that great impression. Sure, we chat online often, and talk on the phone here and there, and try to webcam at least once a week. But it is still not the same as being in person. He knows that I prefer skirts and like snuggling while watching movies and shows. But now he is going to be thrown in my loop of waking up late and tossing on which ever semi-clean jeans I can find before class, and coming home to cat puke on the carpet. Agent M has his rough days, I tend to let the dishes pile up during the week, and sometimes I just don't feel like doing more than pigtails with my hair. My insecurities are running rampant - will he still think I am adorable when I have no makeup on? Will he find it boring when Agent M is home and just wants to play board games? When my homework frustrates me, will he think I am slow? Will he be horrified if I fart in my sleep? Will his lack of help in the kitchen drive me crazy and make me annoyed with doing all the cooking? Will my chattiness and his quiet nature clash or continue to compliment each other? Will this three weeks be enough to keep us going?

Basically, if he and I were on the same dirt on a regular basis, and really had the time to get to know each other in all the little ways that you get to know a person simply by spending time with them, would he and I still be a couple?

/boyfriend worries rant.

With court not happening tomorrow, I will get to go to my classes. Which means, I need to get my bum in gear and finish a project that is due tomorrow and a project that was due last week. Even though the workload is kicking my bum and I have had a hard time staying on track, I really enjoy my classes. I could listen to my English Lit. professor for hours, and love the insight my Early Childhood Education professor provides. My Math professor is quirky and scattered but has silly little stories and funny ways to explain things, and class is always interesting at least. I ended up dropping my online class, it just wasn't a format I could get used to and I was seriously behind. Luckily, I discovered the day after dropping it that I didn't need to be taking it after all - a class I took last semester fulfills the same section for my general education requirements. I finished filling out my educational plan (part of one of the projects I should be working on) and figured out a path for the next two years. It is going to be rough, with four classes a semester in the Spring and Fall semesters, plus one class each Summer. But if it all works out as I hope, I could be well on my way towards a Master Teacher Certificate, have all of my general education classes covered, and able to fully focus and work towards my Sociology degree. Whew!

On that note, this post is a bit boring and I need to get back to the projects. My next seven days are like this:

  • Tomorrow - Classes, clean, clean more, another class. Return library books. Wonder Twin is coming over to "do homework" but I am really going to make him help me clean. Eventually sleep.
  • Thursday - School observation appointment (big project for ECE, 2 hours of sitting in a room and taking down every detail I can about it's layout and how the teachers use the room), home to clean, hang with Agent M when he gets out of school, clean more once his dad picks him up. Take donations to the thrift store near my house. Try to lure over a friend to help with more cleaning. Eventually sleep.
  • Friday - Finish as much cleaning as possible. Bubble bath. Spend time getting prettied up. Pick up Agent M from school. Go to my parent's house for my birthday party. Possibly go to a concert with Wonder Twin depending on when/if the birthday party ends before Saturday. 
  • Saturday - Work. Try not to drive Agent M crazy and see if he will fall for my ploy of "Let's play in your room" and then cleaning it up. 
  • Sunday - No clue. Might be working, might not. It is my birthday, so I am hoping for not.
  • Monday - Classes, whatever homework and cleaning I have left, then pick up Agent M from school, Drop off Agent M to my parents. Class. Home to snuggle Agent M and try to sleep.
  • Tuesday - The Day. Finish whatever needs finishing. Bubble bath and get myself prettied up. Pick up Agent M from school, go to my parent's for a light dinner, leave Agent M there while I go to the airport. Try to remain calm and read a book or play games on my phone. See the Swede and probably will lose my cool and grin like an idiot the whole way home. 
Ok. There. Procrastinated enough. Back to homework.

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