I know that I owe this blog and it's 7 readers a catching-up post. But for the sake of reality, let's just pretend that my life is dealt in seasons like network episodes and after a cliff hanger of a season finale, this is the start of a new season. There are new roles for the characters and some things just will have to be explained as we go.
Tonight is supposed to be Date Night for me and WonderTwin. He was recently promoted and wanted to take me out to celebrate. Between him saving for moving and me saving for...well, bills...we are counting our pennies though, so our plans have gone from going to Outback Steak House to my saying "bring me steaks and I will cook them". But now, I am not so sure about even those plans.
Work was slow today. I only had two deliveries to make and generally felt like a bump on a log while I was there. Agent M has been in a mood the past couple of days and despite the good moments this week, it just felt like there was a gap between us that I could not close. I had a conversation with Agent M's dad the other night that has left an annoying slime in the back of my mind, threatening to coat my thoughts with it's cold bitterness. Add to that, I spent this afternoon bickering via text with Agent M's dad and the sudden drop in temperature outside has my shoulder aching to the point that even the slight tensing of my arm muscles from typing is making the burning ache grow more and more painful. You would think the idea of a date night would be so sweet and welcoming after all of this, but there is such a large part of me that just wants to hide from the world tonight, have a beer, and clean house a bit while catching up on Grimm. The fact is, I am sad. Simply, sad. I miss Agent M already and hate sending him to his dad's. He has told me that he has found cat litter in his bed when there and seen fleas jumping on him when he is in bed. His dad's family talks badly of me and Agent M is becoming more and more aware of it. Today again, he asked me to not make him go and I tell him I have to, the court decided that this is fair. He tells me to ignore the court, that he doesn't like going. All I can do it tell him I am sorry and that he needs to put on his shoes.
Tonight is supposed to be Date Night. I am hoping my WonderTwin will understand why my mood has changed so like the weather. I do not expect him to sit here with me or cook for me. He knows I have sunny days and cloudy days. Part of the joy of our date nights is that they get me out of the house when I want to hide and rage alone. Even though I am sad, maybe I will go do my makeup and hair anyways. Afterall, it's nice to share a cold, rainy evening with someone who will hold you close and tell you they love you. Tonight, I think I might need that a little more than I want to hide.